At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
