Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
