My hand turned me down
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
