I could have mohawked her pubes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I will pee on everything he values.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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