hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
