i think my tv is drunk
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Alive.
So much puke
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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