I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
