guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
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she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
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Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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