i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
