I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
