Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
