I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
