trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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