Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
