So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
