I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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