I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
