i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
