my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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