We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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