What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
