i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize