Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
