forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
