I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
