She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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