Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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