i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I want her autograph on my taint
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
