big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
