During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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