can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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