Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
