how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
