living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
