I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
