I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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