my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
