Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
