and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
