drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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