I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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