My underwear smells like fireworks.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
