I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
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I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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