I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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