at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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