We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
