My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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