Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Too much gin, very little bucket
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
