i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
