Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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