Can i not drive my cunt home
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize