how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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