Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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