oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
