remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
