She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
