a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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