Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
