How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
