Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
