I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
