I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
